



       Urusei                                                    Yatsura

                                _U_r_u_s_e_i _Y_a_t_s_u_r_a
                                  Episode #9
                  ``_T_h_e _M_y_s_t_e_r_i_o_u_s, _S_e_x_y, _B_e_a_u_t_i_f_u_l _S_a_k_u_r_a''


                          Version 1.0: Sue Shambaugh
                                 Date Unknown


                           Version 2.0: Jeff Okamoto
                                   02/05/89

       This script is a translation of a copyrighted work, and as such,
           it is subject to applicable international copyright laws.

                                     *****
                  Reproduction of this material is permitted
                         for NON-PROFIT purposes only!
                                     *****






                                      LUM
                                   Darling!
                            Darling, where are you?

                                      TEN
                               Lum, isn't it OK?
                   That jerk's been gone for three days now.
               At any rate, he's dead by the roadside somewhere.

                                      LUM
                             You mustn't say that.
                              Darling is my life.

                                      TEN
                It's too bad you fell for a man like that, Lum.

                                     ATARU
                                  That brat!

                                    SHINOBU
                                   Ataru---.

                                    SHINOBU
                                   Oh, Lum.

                                      LUM
                    Shinobu, where did you hide my Darling?

                                    SHINOBU
                               What do you mean!
                Ataru ran away from home because he hates you.

                                      LUM
                           I won't allow that talk!

                                    SHINOBU
            What, you think you're going to do something about it??

                                     ATARU
            It's no use. If I come out now, I'll be torn to pieces.
                                   (He runs)
                           Somebody, please help me!

                                      TV
          Well, now - the response to everyone on today's Wide Show,
                           both the staff and we...
                      We're just, we're just surprised...
       With a feature article on the big favorite runaway, let's show...
                      First of all, the foremost people.

                                    MOTHER
                                  Come home!

                                    WAITER
                          Ramen - Sorry for the wait.

                                    MOTHER
                               Father's crying!

                                     WOMAN
                     Awful, isn't it - that person's sick.

                                      MAN
                           What an awful way to eat.

                                      TV
                        So, the next runaway's family.

                                      LUM
                            Darling, where are you?
                         The nights are getting cold!
                                Come home soon.

                                      MAN
                   That's Lum, the daughter of the invader.

                                ATARU'S FATHER
                       I won't say anything - Come home.
                If you don't come back, there'll be a funeral.
                    We've made your favorite funeral buns.
                         Making them for you by hand.

                                    SHINOBU
                       Ataru, just communicate with me!
                                 I understand.
                  It must be awful having Lum in your house.
                       The two of us, alone together...
                      Let's run away together, somewhere!

                                    CHERRY
                   No matter where you are, I can sense you.
                           Today is not a good day.
                           It comes with misfortune!

                                      TV
                        I will wait for communication.

                                     ATARU
                                  Calm down.
                I won't be discovered in this perfect disguise.

                                      TV
                    This is a photograph of Mr. Moroboshi.

                                     MAN 1
                            Ataru Moroboshi, is it?

                                     MAN 2
                              It's unforgiveable!

                                     MAN 3
                           You look a lot like him.

                                     MAN 4
                        I'll crush him with my fingers.

                                     ATARU
                                     Loop!

                                     MAN 4
                                     Ouch!

                                    VOICES
                  You bastard - I'll crucify him upside-down!
                                     Wait!

                                     VOICE
                                You little...!

                                     ATARU
            It's not so easy to catch me, Ataru the fleet-of-foot!
                       Farewell, blood-thirsty people...

                                    SAKURA
                                    Oof...

                                     ATARU
                                This feeling...

                                    SAKURA
                                    Oof...

                                     ATARU
                                      Ah!
                              What's the matter?
         She's had a heart failure due to the shock of being run into.

                                      MAN
                                  Found him!

                                     MAN 2
             That rascal - This time he's attacking a young woman.

                                     MAN 3
                               The outer road...

                                     VOICE
                                 You bastard!

                                     ATARU
                                     Shit!
                     Where in the world should I run to?!
                                (Sakura points)

                                      MAN
                                     Wait!
                                  (Pause...)
                                  Run away!!

                                     ATARU
                               Serves you right!

                                     ATARU
                                  (pants...)
             Even though I took great pains to run away from home,
                              why'd they spot me?

                                    SAKURA
                                     Ah...
                                    Ooh...

                                     ATARU
            Well, voluptuous lady - You're suffocating, aren't you?
                                     Yeah!
                                  That's it!
                          Shall we unfasten your bra?
                               (Gets clobbered)
                                     Ouch!

                                    SAKURA
                   Since you're an irresponsible character,
                    you've been possessed by evil spirits.

                                    SAKURA
               If you look at your face, you can see it at once.
        This is the first time in all my long career as a shrine maiden
                  that I've seen such a bad aspect as yours.

                                     ATARU
                            You're a shrine maiden?
                      So that's why you're so mysterious.

                                    SAKURA
                      By the way, you were being chased.

                                     ATARU
       Whether at school or at home, it was so painful I couldn't stand it...

                                    VOICE 1
                              This is not a bar!

                                    VOICE 2
                        You're making innuendoes at me.

                                    VOICE 3
                                    You...!

                                      LUM
              Saying things like that, we'll be together forever.

                                     ATARU
                       Shinobu, you've got it all wrong.

                                    SHINOBU
                                      NO!

                                      LUM
                                Sorry, Darling.

                                     ATARU
                                    Fine...

                                      LUM
                    For an apology, an expression of love.
                                  (Zaps him)

                                     ATARU
                                     Gyah!

                              COMMENTATOR YAMADA
                                   Shut up.
                              You're a nuisance.

                                      MAN
                                It's a problem.
            Whenever Ataru does something, the city gets destroyed,
                      the defense forces get called out.

                                LUM BODYGUARDS
                            He's the class villain.

                                     WOMAN
                          Education does him no good.
                         He's a disgrace to the city.

                                    FATHER
                    We're conscious of our responsibility.

                                    MOTHER
                          I didn't give birth to him.

                                      MAN
        Whenever Lum ``expresses her love'', the transformers blow up.
                         Day after day, I do overtime.

                                    SAKURA
                   You get into trouble because of women...?

                                     ATARU
                              Well, that's why...

                                     ATARU
                           I've had enough of women.

                                    SAKURA
                             Ah, my heart again...

                                     ATARU
                          Shall I take off your bra?

                                    SAKURA
                       Haven't you learned your lesson?!
                      Because of things like that, you...
                                Ow, my heart...

                                     ATARU
                                  Somehow...
                             Seductive, isn't it?

                                    SAKURA
                            Leaving it in my hands,
               there are no evil spirits that can't be expelled.
             There's something like a porch. I will exorcise you.

                                     ATARU
                             It's an eerie house.
                   Is it profitable, being a shrine maiden?

                                    SAKURA
                       We took out a loan for the house.
                  There's still 19 years and 3 months to go.

                                     ATARU
                                    Indeed.

                                    AUNTIE
                                   Welcome.
                         Sakura will prepare at once.

                                     ATARU
                            Her name is Sakura...?
                                     Eek!

                                    AUNTIE
                              What's the matter?

                                     ATARU
                           I had a bad premonition.
                                It can't be...
                          But, ``Sakura'', somehow...

                                     ATARU
                                     Gyah!
                            Your face is different.
                             This is an imposter.

                                    SAKURA
                   Shut up, it's because I have a bad tooth,
                       the lymph glands have swollen up.
                           Let's get this over with.

                                     ATARU
                                I'm going home.

                                    SAKURA
                                     Wait!
                             Are you running away?

                                    AUNTIE
                                     Here.

                                     ATARU
       Don't struggle, or I'll curse you to bring people's good-will to nought.

                                    SAKURA
                                   Exorcise!
                                    Purify!
                                 (To herself)
                     It hurts so much I can't concentrate.

                                    AUNTIE
                               An amazing chill.
                  This is just one person - maybe she'll die.

                                     ATARU
                                     Hah!
                                 What's that?

                                    GHOSTS
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!

                                     ATARU
                         Weird things have come out...
                              Stop the exorcism!

                                    SAKURA
                              Don't make a fuss.
                      Once I've started, I go whole hog!
                                   Exorcise!
                                    Purify!

                                    GHOSTS
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!

                                    SAKURA
                                   Exorcise!
                                    Purify!
                                   Exorcise!
                                    Purify!

                                    SAKURA
                                   Exorcise!
                                    Purify!

                                     ATARU
                                     Gyah!

                                    GHOSTS
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!
                                      Ho!

                                    SAKURA
                     Purify, exorcise, purify, exorcise...
                                     AHH!

                                      LUM
                                   Darling!
                                Where are you?

                                    CHERRY
                                    I see?
                                 Good, Sakura.

                                    AUNTIE
                   You worried my brother, too, didn't you.

                                    SAKURA
                             Thanks, Uncle Cherry.
                               It was exciting.

                                      LUM
                          What are you rejoicing for?

                                    CHERRY
                                   Oh, Lum?
          The sickness that my niece Sakura has completely dispelled.
                       Moroboshi was possessed by them.

                                      LUM
                                   Darling!

                                    CHERRY
                      Occasionally it's an act of mercy.

                                     ATARU
             Forcing bad luck on me, I'm cursed down to posterity.

                                    SAKURA
                             At any rate, I tried.
                                 And I'm glad!

                                      END

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